I had always seen Denise wearing her sweater. With the unpredictable weather conditions in the newsroom it is imperative that one have back up clothing for a cold snap. You never know when Old Man Winter is going to turn it on. I marvelled at how confident Denise was when she wore her sweater. She put up with no one's excuses - and at times had almost a lightning in her eyes as she brought order to the chaotic world of the internet, ... one post at a time. This sweater, by myth, possesses power that could rival that of the Big Boy Chair.... I had to have it. I had to tame it.
When she left one night I snuck down to her desk and slipped it on. I felt aglow with happiness, I felt snuggly...... and I felt that the universe must BE MINE! I removed it - I had to find a way to harness this power.......
The power of comfort... the power of snuggling - I conspired, and waited patiently for her to leave it in an accessible spot. VICTORY!
VIOLA! I've got it! Now it was off to unlock the secrets of the sweater.
Things started off well. The sweater taught me to play Xbox better. Most importantly how to own noobs. 
After a while things got a bit out of hand. The sweater takes its liquid in large doses, and doesn't take kindly to being asked to stop throwing cans on the ground. We got in a bit of an argument, except I couldn't understand her due to her heavy slurring.
The next morning all is well. We enjoyed the sun. I learned that even a sweater needs love in the summer.
We watered my sunflowers. 
We invited the sweater to be part of our family band.
Man she's good at the banjo. A speed pickin fool!
Check out this action shot!
When my son suggested we play an Alabama song, the sweater went crazy and put him in a sleeper hold. 
My son maintained his innocence, claiming it was the sweater that was eyeballing him. I agreed. We decided it was time for this sweater, this power, to not be harnessed, but be returned to the wild of the newsroom. Until another day.
6 comments:
I'm siding with the big boy chair for ultimate control of the universe. I feel this battle is somewhat like Optimus Prime versus Megatron.
There is something evil about that sweater. I can't put my finger on it... but it's unholy, an unholy sweater I say.
You must keep that sweater out of the hands of evil doers. I will forever be watching my back for fear of that sweater sneaking up behind me and wrapping its furry arms around me.
Denise insists that the sweater is female. So the story has been changed to make her happy. But the BBC remembers.....
Thanks for telling the sweater side of the story. Can we have the BBC side now?
I think I need to vote by personality and if the BBC is too bossy or takes credit for actions of others, it will sway my vote.
Sweater has a soft side, as well as a confidence-boosting side, and I think that it sounds like a complete package.
Can BBC compete with that?
The BBC rules the world of news with an iron fist. This in turn brings tranquility. Few rise against him, few dare. Forced peace my not be ideal for everyone, but it nuetralizes conflict and therefore eliminating stress. A stress free world is the #1 objective of the Big Boy Chair. Vote BBC, vote peace. Vote sweater, vote personal comfort. Vote future shirt, vote a technological terror.
If the BBC could save you from big bad storms it would be awesome! But since it doesn't and you have to tie a tennis shoe to your head, I'll probably have to go with the sweater. I wonder what the sweater and my flower balloon hat could accomplish together....
The sweater, while it can play banjo cannot tie very well. The sweater would be doomed in a storm. The shirt however, could transcend time and space to a desert, therefore keeping it dry.
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